Signs You Are A Closet Calvinist:
- You object to the hymn, "When We All Get To Heaven."
- You think backsliding is only a problem for skiers.
- You think Paul was too patient with the Corinthian church.
- You've ever complained about the church cushioning the wooden pews.
- You inexplicably start quoting Ephesians 1 at the mere mention of the movie title Free Willy.
- You think an altar call should only involve a phone in the pulpit by which the pastor can wake up the slackers.
- There's nothing like the smell of brimstone in the (Sunday) morning.
- You've never confused Spurgeon with sturgeon. Or find it funny when others do.
- You think Arminianism has something to do with expensive suits.