antipsalm

David Powlison sees that there are two ways of doing life. He writes:

From Jesus' point of view, there are two fundamentally different ways of doing life. One way, you're connected to a God who's involved in your life. Psalm 23 is all about this: "The Lord is my shepherd… and his goodness and mercy surely follow me all the days of my life." The other way, you're pretty much on your own and disconnected. Let's call this the antipsalm 23: "I'm on my own… and disappointment follows me all the days of my life." We'll look first at the antipsalm way of doing life.

Antipsalm 23

I’m on my own.

No one looks out for me or protects me.

I experience a continual sense of need. Nothing’s quite right.

I’m always restless. I’m easily frustrated and often disappointed.

It’s a jungle—I feel overwhelmed. It’s a desert—I’m thirsty.

My soul feels broken, twisted, and stuck. I can’t fix myself.

I stumble down some dark paths.

Still, I insist: I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want.

But life’s confusing. Why don’t things ever really work out?

I’m haunted by emptiness and futility—shadows of death.

I fear the big hurt and final loss.

Death is waiting for me at the end of every road,

but I’d rather not think about that.

I spend my life protecting myself. Bad things can happen.

I find no lasting comfort.

I’m alone . . . facing everything that could hurt me.

Are my friends really friends?

Other people use me for their own ends.

I can’t really trust anyone. No one has my back.

No one is really for me—except me.

And I’m so much all about ME, sometimes it’s sickening.

I belong to no one except myself.

My cup is never quite full enough. I’m left empty.

Disappointment follows me all the days of my life.

Will I just be obliterated into nothingness?

Will I be alone forever, homeless, free-falling into void?

Sartre said, “Hell is other people.”

I have to add, “Hell is also myself.”

It’s a living death,

and then I die.

The antipsalm tells what life feels like and looks like whenever God vanishes from sight. As we hear about Garrett and the others, each story lives too much inside the antipsalm. The "I'm-all-alone-in-the-universe" experience maps onto each one of them. The antipsalm captures the drivenness and pointlessness of life-purposes that are petty and self-defeating. It expresses the fears and silent despair that cannot find a voice because there's no one to really talk to. Our five friends are spinning out of control. They might implode. Something bad gets last say, when whatever you live for is not God.

And when you're caught up in the antipsalm, it doesn't help when you're labeled a "disorder," a "syndrome," or a "case." The problem is much more serious. The disorder is "my life." The syndrome is "I'm on my own." The case is "Who am I and what am I living for?," when too clearly I am the center of my story.

But the antipsalm doesn't need to tell the final story. It only becomes your reality when you construct your reality from a lie. In reality, someone else is the center of the story. Nobody can make Jesus go away. The I AM was, is and will be, whether or not people acknowledge.

When you awaken, when you see who Jesus actually is, everything changes. You see the person whose care and ability you can trust. You experience his care. You see the person whose glory you are meant to worship. You love him who loves you. The real Psalm 23 captures what life feels like and looks like when Jesus Christ puts his hand on your shoulder.