You might be a fundamentalist if...
• ...you think the earth is 6,000 years old
• ...you think Democrats are bad people
• ...you think environmentalists worship the earth
• ...you think God spoke in Elizabethan English
• ...you think everyone except your group/denomination are heretics
• ...you think the Bible teaches capital punishment
• ...you think the Bible teaches the right to bear arms
• ...you think the "Left Behind Series" is serious Bible study
• ...you think America was/is a Christian nation
• ...you expect to disappear in a rapture any day now
• ...you think most poor people are lazy
• ...James Dobson is your hero
• ...the only books you've read on opposing viewpoints are written by authors you agree with
• ...you think allowing homosexuals to marry will end civilization as we know it
• ...you think evolution is a plot from the devil
• ...you think "narrow path" is synonymous with "narrow mind"
• ...you think "the simplicity that is in Christ" means that all of the themes in Scripture can be understood by Forrest Gump
• ...you don't know how to explain the director of The Passion of the Christ being drunk and getting arrested
• ...you're afraid to buy sparkling cider because it looks like wine
• ...you can't admit that the water Jesus turned into wine might have been alcoholic, and that people might have gotten intoxicated from drinking it
• ...you think most natural disasters are a judgment from god
• ...you don't know how Christianity survived so long without your denomination
• ...you think the main point of higher education's is to convince you the bible is wrong
• ...you think that only Christians can glorify god
• ...you divide everything into two categories: "Christian" and "secular"
• ...four letter words make you more uncomfortable than malicious intent
• ...you think that a one-world currency will lead to the rapture, but you still try to convince everyone to stay away from a one world currency
• ...you think the gospel hasn't been preached unless an altar call was issued
• ...you think all Catholics are hell-bound
• ...you think two homosexuals living in a committed caring relationship are more sinful than jailing people indefinitely without charges or a trial or bombing the hell out of villages.
• ...you think promiscuous homosexuals are ruining the world, but will cut off your right arm to keep them from being able to commit to each other and be monogamous
• ...you actually think it's a GOOD thing that your pastor is uneducated
• ...you think if you don't have your morning devotions, you're day will inevitably be bad
• ...you think Jesus was white, and have never considered that he may have more closely resembled the look of what you consider to be "a terrorist"
• ...you'll take a bumbling Christian for president any day over someone more qualified
• ...you're pretty sure the four spiritual laws are in the Bible
• ...you are afraid of science, especially biologists and geneticists
• ...you are also afraid of gay people, pro-choice people, Arabs, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Mormons, Jehovah Witnesses, anybody wearing a head scarf, anyone with a red dot or an ash spot on their forehead, blacks who live in the ghetto, immigrants, illegal aliens, Mexicans (by which you mean anyone who speaks Spanish no matter where they are from), liberals, ...
• ...you must keep your children away from all of the above
• ..."Christian values" means anti-abortion and anti-homosexuality. Period. It does not mean dignity, health care, job training, racial reconciliation, relief of poverty, justice, or mercy.
• ...you believe God would be pleased if Israel were to nuke all her neighbors
• ...when someone asks you how you are, you reply "blessed"
• ...you're afraid to use the word "lucky" because it comes from "Lucifer"
• ...You are sure Jesus is coming in 1980...1988...2000...2008...2012
• ...you think the world council of churches got together with the UN & invented global warming
• ...on Halloween, you turn out all the lights and pray for the heathen neighborhood children
• ...you think "Leave it to Beaver" and "The Andy Griffith Show" depict real life in America in the 1950s
• ...you think, "smile, Jesus loves you,” is a valid cure for depression
• ...you think that "pray for your leaders" means to pray that they become republican
• ...you repeat and believe without question every story you hear about a miracle happening in your church, but you have never seen one...even though you've been attending and involved for 20 years
• ...you think that every man of faith down through the centuries would have loved to have had the opportunity you have to be a part of your denomination
• ...you actually believe the FAA doesn't allow both a pilot and a co-pilot to be Christians in case the rapture happens
• ...you tithe 10% of your income to your church, but look the other way every time you see a beggar
• ...you have perfected the art of gossiping through prayer requests
• ...you have at some point owned an "in case of rapture..." bumper sticker, and you don't feel like the biggest moron in the world
• ...your definition of how long a "generation" is keeps changing
• ...too many sixes in a number makes you nervous
• ...you don't understand why everyone can't see the truths in the bible as clearly as you can
• ...you use the phrases "Lord Jesus" and "Lord God" in your prayers like they're commas and the word "just" in replace of "um"
• ...you don't think Obama is the anti-Christ, but you think he's a great example of how the anti-Christ will deceive the masses and rise to power so quickly
• ...your pastor wears mainly Hawaiian shirts in the pulpit, but your church is nowhere near Hawaii
• ...you regularly feel guilty about not having Christian bumper stickers on your car
• ...you believe that most people who have left your church have walked away from god, whether they are going to another church or not
• ...stories about “disappearing hitchhikers” make you cry instead of laugh
• ...you pastor has told your church about a team of scientists drilling into the earth in Siberia who drilled so far that they heard the screams of what sounded like "millions of people" suffering. This story sounds reasonable to you.
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2 comments:
OK, Rick, what if I agree with some of these? Am I partly fundamental?
you just answered the question ... a non-fundamentalist would consider that an option. A card carrying fundamentalist would know better. In fact, you are the worst of all kinds ... at best lukewarm, more likely a wolf in sheep's clothing ...
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