same-sex marriage interview with jesus

I think Joe Dallas did a nice job with this fun piece:

In light of the Supreme Court’s recent decisions on same sex marriage, the question of what defines a marriage becomes more relevant than ever, and no doubt we’ll see a host of talking heads discussing the issue. I’m wondering how it would play out if Jesus was interviewed on the subject, so just for fun and, hopefully, a little clarity, here’s my take on how the interview would go based on what the Lord has already said about life, humanity and marriage.

Interviewer: Now, Jesus – uh, do you prefer being called Lord?

Jesus: You call me master and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. (John 13:13)

Interviewer: Or Christ? God? Savior?

Jesus: I am He. (John 18:6)

Interviewer: OK, so your popularity is higher than ever, and people look to You as the final authority. Tell us, then, where do You stand on gay marriage?

Jesus: From the beginning He created them male and female. (Mark 1:5)

Interviewer: Surely that’s a throwback to the Old Testament, though. Isn’t the old law of Moses a bit antiquated for today’s discussion?

Jesus: Think not that I came to destroy the law. I came not to destroy it, but to fulfill it. (Matthew 10:34)

Interviewer: Aha! Then doesn’t it say in Leviticus that homosexuals should be put to death? Is that what You’re advocating?

Jesus: Let him that is without sin cast the first stone. (John 8:7)

Interviewer: That would be nobody.

Jesus: It is as you say. (Luke 23:3)

Interviewer: So You’d prefer we stick to the traditional Ozzie and Harriet style family arrangement? How would that play out in 2012?

Jesus: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. What God has joined together, let no man set asunder. (Mark 10:7-9)

Interviewer: That’s it? Stuck for life? What if both the man and the woman are miserable together?

Jesus: I say unto you, if a man put away his wife for any cause other than fornication, he causes her to commit adultery. (Matthew 5:32)

Interviewer: You probably just lost at least half of our listeners.

Jesus: This is a hard saying. Not every man can receive this saying. (Matthew 19:11)

Interviewer: No, and not every person will agree with it, either. In fact, based on what You just said, a lot of people would call for Your resignation.

Jesus: Everyone practicing evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his deeds be exposed. (John 3:20)

Interviewer: Well, You’re promoting a pretty rigid definition of family, not to mention morality. I mean we’re all sexual creatures. I can’t help but be turned onto a beautiful woman when she walks by. Surely You don’t have a problem with that?

Jesus: If a man looks upon a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)

Interviewer: Now you lost me. I do that almost every day.

Jesus: Son, be of good cheer. Your sins are forgiven. (Matthew 19:2)

Interviewer: That’s nice, but a lot of gays and lesbians don’t feel very forgiven by You or Your followers. What would You say to those who claim that God doesn’t condemn them for being gay?

Jesus: Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more. (John 8:11)

Interviewer: So You’re not against them?

Jesus: God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. (John 3:17)

Interviewer: Perhaps, but the world is coming to understand that homosexuality is a natural variation of human sexuality. Most educated people agree on that.

Jesus: Many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because iniquity will abound, the love of many will wax cold. (Matthew 24:11-12)

Interviewer: But aren’t you condemning something that goes to the very nature of so many people? Whether we’re gay or straight or bi, isn’t that just an indicator of what’s truly inside us?

Jesus: For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man. (Matthew 15:11)

Interviewer: So You would call on people to simply deny who they really are rather than simply be themselves and relate in the way that’s most natural to them?

Jesus: If any man come after Me, let Him deny Himself, take up his cross, and follow me. (Matthew 16:24)

Interviewer: Even if that means saying “no” to a person’s most basic desires? Would you really ask that of anyone, even Yourself?

Jesus: Foxes have holes, and the birds have their nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head. (Matthew 8:20)

Interviewer: I’m sure You realize that even now people are blogging about Your words. You’re going to lose a lot of support because of Your positions.

Jesus: Woe unto you when all men speak well of you. (Luke 6:26)

Interviewer: But what would You say to those who believe in You but also identify themselves as gay, and are in same sex relationships?

Jesus: Why do you call me ‘Lord Lord’ and do not what I say? (Luke 6:46)

Interviewer: A lot of Your followers agree with You, but You’ll notice they’re getting a lot of heat for it. Anything You’d like to pass on to them?

Jesus: Let not your hearts be troubled. If they world hate you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. (John 14:1; 15:19)

Interviewer: And You’re still accepting new converts?

Jesus: Come unto Me all ye that labor and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)