1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
6. Sometimes it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
9. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
10. The careful application of the “fear of God” is also a form of communication.
11. Anything worth fighting for, is.
12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
16. When in doubt, scream and shout.
17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
20. Not a shred of evidence supports the notion that I should take myself seriously.
21. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23. This is as bad as it can get, but don’t bet on it.
24. Never wrestle with a pig: You will both get dirty and the pig won’t care.
25. The trouble with life is, you’re halfway through it before you realize a bulldog can whip a skunk but it’s not worth it.
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